Ok, so it has long since been obvious that the people of this world will do anything to make a buck. Prostitution, stripping, working at a fast food restaurant... Most people, however, find ways of making money that are sometimes honorable and often legitimate. The problem is that without a college degree (pending, thank you) and the fact that I will only be in NOVA for a few months, it has been hard to find suitable work. Banana Republic is always great, but the money is just not there. It would be fine if I didn't have a spending problem, but I do and I don't want to change that. Thus, I have taken the last week trying to find some, perhaps not normal but at least legitimate form of financial gain. This desperate search has led me to two job fields I never would have thought I would enter...
The first, which I have been "participating" in for more a week, involves something that most people would consider to be "morally bankrupt" while others might consider it to be just a little weird. Think a step above prostitute, but for 150 a shot the only one getting any pleasure is me...give up? Well, you are officially reading the words of a father-to-be...or at least a father in the most rudimentary, biological sense. Up to three times a week I go to the Gamete Donors in Fairfax to give a little (splooge) back to the community. They say that within the next five years that my sperm is kept cryogenically frozen, to be bought by desperate lesbians and homos with surrogates, I could produce as many as 50 children. The best part of this whole thing, apart from the fact that I will never be contacted by any of these children, is that I go in for thirty minutes two or three times a week and walk out 150 bucks richer! Anyone with a problem with it can kiss my expensive-pant clad ass.
The other, which I just got today, involves me being a salesman. No, this is not a door-to-door thing. I don't have that kind of a death wish. Friends, I would like to tell you about the wonderful product those amazing folks at Cutco would like to bring in to your family's kitchen. That's right, this beautiful set of knives, from the #3 knife maker in the world. At the insanely low cost of $799 you could have our most popular set of knives. That is at half the cost of a similar set of Henckls, and these are just plain better. I mean, look at these kitchen shears. I know they look like scissors, but they are shears. I mean, can scissors cut through a penny. NO! THEY CAN'T! Anyways, I make a minimum of 18 bucks per person I try and convince to buy and those who actually buy will allow me to make way more money. This job is crazy for how much money you can actually make. I mean, I am sure it is possible that they sucker you in a little bit, trying to get new employees and whatnot, but I think this could really work. Some people who have worked for them have made more that 10,000 in a summer. SWEET ASS!
Anyways, I am going to bed. Pretty exhausted and tomorrow is gonna be a long, long day. That god I don't have to go to the "bank" tomorrow....I might not have the strength.
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